


Give Me the World

by hollyanneg



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, M/M, While You Were Sleeping AU, fake engagement, plus some minor OCs - Freeform, the gangsey's all here but they don't do much, this is Lynch-heavy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-29 15:18:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20084368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollyanneg/pseuds/hollyanneg
Summary: Adam finds himself accidentally engaged to a handsome coma patient. Unfortunately, he's also falling for the patient's brother.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a comment I received, I feel the need to be really clear that this is based on the movie While You Were Sleeping. If you don’t feel comfortable with the plot of that movie, this fic is probably not for you. I say that with the utmost respect!

The problem with DC was that it was expensive.

Adam had two options: live way out in the suburbs where the rent was cheaper and drive into work, which required buying a car. Or rent the cheapest possible apartment he could find in the city and take the Metro everywhere.

He chose the latter.

His commute was 40 minutes long every day, 16 stops on the red line from Fort Totten to the Medical Center. The only good thing about taking the Metro was that every weekday around 6 a.m., an incredibly handsome man got on the train at Dupont Circle and rode it all the way to Bethesda.

He didn’t always get into Adam’s train car, but Adam observed that the handsome man tended to wait at the far end of the platform at Dupont Circle, so Adam started riding on that end of the train, too.

Metro Man had to be at least six feet tall, with nicely trimmed black curls and ice-blue eyes. He was always dressed in a perfectly tailored suit and carrying a leather briefcase. He reminded Adam of the pictures of male models that he used to cut out of magazines and hide under his bed, for aspirational purposes.

He had realized when he was a teenager that aspiration wasn’t the only reason he liked looking at them. And while he still dreamed of someday being as effortlessly put-together as Metro Man, that wasn’t the only reason Adam liked looking at him. His crush developed into something more serious when he noticed how often Metro Man gave up his seat if the train was crowded.

After a while, Adam had imagined a whole fantasy relationship for them. Someday, they’d finally talk, and then they wouldn’t be able to stop. Metro Man would miss his stop just to be able to keep talking to Adam. They would reluctantly part ways at Adam’s stop, but not before exchanging phone numbers. They wouldn’t be able to wait long before one of them asked the other out. Their first date would be more of the same—an hours-long conversation under the stars somewhere. They would have so much in common. Not their pasts—they wouldn’t talk about their pasts. But the futures they wanted. Their interests. The things they cared about. And it wouldn’t be long before they were in love, and talking about marriage…

Adam rarely let his imagination run so amok, and the reality was that he was always too sleepy at 6 a.m. to think of anything clever to say to Metro Man. Not to mention that he usually had bedhead and was dressed in something barely nicer than pajamas because he was going to change clothes at the hospital anyway.

It was actually Metro Man who finally spoke first. Getting off at Bethesda one morning in December, he had to maneuver around Adam to get to the door. “I always see you on here,” he said, laughing a little. He had a nice, deep voice. “Have a good one.”

Adam gaped, and Metro Man was long gone before he’d thought of a reply. He cursed himself for it all day.

He planned what he’d say next time. _We really do always run into each other, haha how funny, so anyway, what’s your name…_

And then of course he didn’t see Metro Man again for days, and by then, he’d lost the nerve.

* * *

That year, Adam had a 12-hour shift on Christmas Day. It was just sort of inevitable, working at a hospital, that you’d have to work certain holidays. And, well, Adam didn’t have plans anyway. He was determined to at least treat himself to a nice lunch that day, though, so instead of packing one, he ran to the Mexican place across the street during his very short break to order himself a burrito.

It was on his way back that he saw a familiar face in the crosswalk. Metro Man, walking away from the hospital. He was never in _this_ part of Bethesda. They made eye contact, and Adam smiled, and he thought, _maybe this is it. Finally._

The car came out of nowhere, clearly running the red light, and suddenly Metro Man was on the ground, and there was pandemonium in the crosswalk. Adam came to his senses relatively quickly and pushed the crowd. “Hey, I’m a doctor! Let me through!”

Metro Man was unconscious and bleeding on the pavement. Adam pushed aside the thought that he knew this person—he didn’t, really—and sent someone nearby up to the hospital to get more help while he tried to stop the bleeding. In a minute, a couple of EMTs were carefully lifting the man onto a gurney and taking him up to the emergency room.

Adam wanted to follow, but he needed to get back to the pediatrics floor. He went back and worked distractedly for half an hour until the attending physician complained about his spaciness, and he explained that his friend—sort of—was down in the ER and Adam couldn’t really think about anything else.

“Well, go down and check on him,” said the doctor. “We’ll cover you, but don’t be too long, all right?”

Adam took the break. He felt a little guilty, shirking work for someone he didn’t even really know, but he clearly wasn’t going to be able to think about anything else until he knew that Metro Man was okay.

Metro Man was not okay. Adam didn’t know the man’s name, so it took him a few minutes of asking around before he found him. He looked worse than before, still unconscious and pallid and bleeding from the nose. He was on a gurney in waiting area, and Adam stared at him in horror for a minute.

Then one of the trauma nurses, Kelly, was beside him with a hand on his arm. “Are you all right?”

He couldn’t take his eyes off Metro Man. “I know him,” he said, dazed.

“You do? Oh, Adam, I’m sorry.” She must have seen the state the man was in, and the state Adam was in. She hummed sympathetically. “How do you know him?”

“I was gonna marry him.”

He didn’t even register what he’d said. His brain had rolled off down the hallway with Metro Man, and the next thing he knew, Kelly was leading him in the same direction. She led him into the room where Metro Man was already being prepped for surgery. Dr. Hopson, who was in trauma, came over to scold them. They weren’t supposed to be there. Adam didn’t really hear what Kelly and the doctor were saying. He was fixated on his former crush and idol, and even though he knew how good Dr. Hopson was, he couldn’t help thinking, _what if he dies?_ It felt like if Metro Man died, then Adam’s dreams of ever being someone like that—or with someone like that—would die, too.

Whatever Kelly had said, it meant that Dr. Hopson was suddenly speaking to them in a much friendlier way, giving Adam a pitying look that he didn’t quite understand. Dr. Hopson put a hand on Adam’s shoulder and said, “I’ll keep you updated, all right? We’ll put him in the 200-wing somewhere. Come down there when you’re off your shift.”

Adam agreed, still not really understanding. He popped into the bathroom long enough to splash some water on his face, then he went back to work.

His shift ended at 7, and he drifted over to the 200-wing purely out of curiosity. Metro Man was sleeping in the back half of a partitioned room, looking lovely and serene now, aside from the bandages and the IV and the large wound on his forehead. He glanced at the man’s chart—Declan Lynch, 29. This seemed like the perfect name for him. Adam felt a little too invasive reading his medical information, so instead he sat down with him and felt that panic rising again, that existential fear.

But he also felt very, very sleepy, given that he’d been at the hospital for more than twelve hours. When Kelly came in and started explaining Declan Lynch’s current state—brain swelling, injury to the brain stem, not responding to physical stimuli, not likely to come out of his coma anytime soon—Adam processed this slowly. It didn’t sound incredibly promising, but it also wasn’t hopeless.

She left again. He drifted off in the chair beside Declan Lynch’s right arm, not realizing he’d fallen asleep until he woke to commotion in the room.

Kelly was back with three other people. The commotion was coming from a wide-eyed young man with a mop of yellow curls who was talking at light speed— “I can’t believe I didn’t answer my phone! I never answer my phone if I don’t know the number, but maybe I need to start, because what if I keep missing calls like this?”

A tiny girl with spiky hair and mismatched clothing had a hand on his arm. “Matthew, I wouldn’t worry about it. This kind of thing won’t happen very often.”

“I’m so glad you guys came,” said the blond man—Matthew. “I didn’t know who else to call! Ronan is out of town and Mom wasn’t answering and my friends are useless about this kind of thing and Declan doesn’t _have_ friends—”

“It was no problem,” said the third person, who’d been consulting with Kelly in the corner. It was another young man in professorial glasses and a bright orange polo shirt who somehow managed to look like a poster child for American Youth. “We were happy to come.”

Adam was still processing _Declan doesn’t have friends_—because of course he did, surely, he was the type of person who everyone would like—when the newcomers finally noticed him. First it was Matthew, giving him the friendliest of smiles. Then it was the other two, turning to him when Kelly said, “Have you all met Declan’s fiancé?”

American Youth looked like he’d just short circuited. Spiky Girl froze. Matthew said loudly, “Declan is engaged?” They all stared at Adam, and Adam stared at Kelly, dumbfounded, because why would she say something like that? Something so blatantly untrue?

Her expression turned remorseful. “Oh, I’m so sorry. Has it not been announced?” And then, as the uncomfortable silence stretched out longer, she told the others, “Your brother really couldn’t have found a better partner. Adam was at the scene of the accident and performed first aid. It could’ve been worse if he hadn’t been there.”

Before Adam could set the record straight, Matthew had practically knocked him out of his chair with a bear hug. “Oh my god, thank you, thank you so much! We really owe you! I always hoped Declan would find someone really special, and obviously he has!”

He let go, and Adam saw that the other two were now smiling at him.

“We didn’t catch your name,” said American Youth.

“Adam Parrish,” said Adam faintly. He needed to tell them that this had all been a mistake—but how could he, when Matthew was still holding onto him like nothing else was tethering him to Earth?

American Youth came over to shake hands. “Gansey,” he said. Was that a name, or…? “And this is Blue Sargent.” He gestured to Spiky Girl.

“And I’m Matthew, Declan’s younger brother,” said Matthew, finally letting go. “They’re friends with our other brother, Ronan.”

“I’m sure you’ve heard all about him,” said Gansey, with an ironic-looking smile. Adam nodded slightly.

“I’m so so sorry that I didn’t know about you!” Matthew said, looking genuinely anguished about it. “It’s just that Declan doesn’t come home very often, and well, you know how private he is, so he hadn’t told us about you yet.”

“Of course,” said Adam.

“I’m sorry for spilling the beans,” said Kelly. This whole time, she had been checking Declan’s vitals, but then she left the room. Adam tried to follow, but Matthew stopped him, and the next thing he knew, he was sitting alone with three strangers and his comatose “fiancé” trying to come up with a story of how they met.

He decided to stick with the truth as closely as possible, “We take the same train into work every day, and eventually we started talking on the train.”

“What did you like about him?” Matthew asked eagerly.

“Um, ah, he’s so put together you know? Really impressive. And, um, I liked his eyes.” He blushed because he was admitting his crush, and then he remembered that they thought Declan Lynch was in love with him—which, how did they believe that so easily? – and that made it a bit less embarrassing.

They asked him where he was from (Virginia—he didn’t care to specify) and what he did (he was a pediatric resident at the hospital) and his hobbies (he didn’t really have any—too busy with work). They asked how Declan proposed. Adam stared at Declan and tried to imagine how he would go about doing something like that. “It was in a fancy restaurant,” said Adam. “He bought some expensive wine, and then he just—asked.”

“That sounds very Declan,” said Blue, and she exchanged a wry look with Gansey. Adam gathered that “very Declan” wasn’t necessarily a good thing to them. Well, at least he’d given them a plausible story.

He was only going along with the whole thing because Matthew was still looking at him so adoringly. He wasn’t going to spoil that, not when Matthew was already distraught about his brother’s injury.

They kept Adam talking for an hour, at which point Dr. Hopson came in and started explaining Declan’s prognosis to the visitors. Adam took this chance to escape. He found Kelly in the hall and pulled her into the break room as she protested. He held her by both shoulders. “Why the hell did you tell those people that I’m engaged to Declan Lynch?”

“Um… because you are?” she said blankly. “I had no idea it was a secret.”

“I’m not! I barely even know him.” Barely was probably overstating it.

“Why would you say you’re engaged if you’re not?”

“When did I say…?”

“Before his surgery earlier!” Kelly told him. “You were staring at him, and you looked like you were gonna be sick, and you said, ‘I was gonna marry him.’”

Adam hardly remembered saying it, but his stomach sank all the same. He _had_ said it. Now he was going to have to admit the humiliating truth. “I wasn’t serious,” he said. “I wasn’t even thinking about what I was saying. I have a crush on him, but I don’t—we’re not—we’ve never even had a real conversation. Now his brother thinks we’re getting married.”

“You’re not engaged?”

“No! I was just freaking out!”

“Adam, oh my god.” Kelly looked distinctly unsympathetic. “Okay, I get that you were upset, but the next time something like this happens, check what’s coming out of your mouth.”

“When is something like this going to happen again?”

“I’ve gotta go, okay? I’m not on break right now.”

“What am I going to tell them?” he asked.

“The truth,” she said, like it was obvious, and then he was alone again.

He stood in the break room for a few more minutes, reminding himself how to breathe. Maybe he wouldn’t have to tell them anything. Maybe he could just disappear…

But they knew his name. If Declan Lynch came out of his coma, they would ask him about his fiancé and find out that it wasn’t true, and they’d come looking for Adam, or they’d tell the hospital and Adam’s career would be ruined.

He was walking out of the hospital in an anxious daze when he heard someone calling his name. It was Gansey, with Blue and Matthew behind him. “I’m glad we caught you!” he said. “We weren’t sure where you’d gone.”

He had a smile plastered on his face and seemed to be waiting for an answer. “Oh, I had to go… talk… to someone.”

“Of course.” Gansey nodded like this was all normal.

Matthew, bright as before, said, “We’re doing Christmas late this year because Ronan won’t be back until tomorrow. You have to come, okay? You can meet Mom, and I’m making the chicken casserole this year, so it’ll be extra good.” He beamed and handed Adam a business card that said The Barns on it with an address that Adam recognized as being a little bit outside the city. “Can I get your phone number?” Matthew asked. “That way we can stay in touch.”

Adam couldn’t say no. He recited his number, all while thinking that the last thing in the world he wanted to do was meet Declan Lynch’s mother and lie to yet another person about their supposed engagement.

He was relieved to say his goodbyes—but they each hugged him before they left, and Adam couldn’t remember the last time he’d been hugged before that night.

* * *

In Adam’s apartment building, the objective was to avoid Tad Carruthers. Maybe that wasn’t everyone’s objective, but it was Adam’s.

It wasn’t a fancy building, but Tad had most of the top floor to himself and didn’t pay for it because his father owned the place. He made sure to bring this up in most conversations. Adam had lived there for nine months, and Tad had immediately tried to befriend him. It had taken a little while for Adam to realize that friendship was not Tad’s ultimate goal, and recently, Tad had progressed to asking him out whenever they saw each other. Adam didn’t say yes or no, because he didn’t want to risk making his landlord’s son angry.

That night, Adam wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone at all, so naturally, he ran into Tad as soon as he’d stepped into the stairwell.

All Tad said was, “I have football tickets for next weekend. You in?”

“Sure,” said Adam, and he kept walking.

* * *

He couldn’t sleep that night. His mind wouldn’t stop replaying the events of the day. How had he gotten himself into that situation? Why hadn’t he just told the truth? What was he going to do about it? He also couldn’t stop thinking about Declan Lynch—who was a realer person now, with a name and a family and friends—so pale and helpless in a hospital bed. What if he never woke up? The truth might never come out that way… But Adam wasn’t a horrible enough person to wish death on someone just to get himself out of a lie. Especially not someone he admired so much.

He had to tell them the truth.

He finally fell asleep around 5 a.m. and didn’t wake until the afternoon. He’d never been the sort of person to do that until he was in residency and working such long, strange hours.

That day, though, he didn’t have to go anywhere. He warmed up a frozen meal for a late lunch and unlocked his phone to a missed call and a voicemail from Matthew Lynch.

The voicemail had the same breathless energy that Matthew had in person. He asked Adam again to please come to Christmas dinner with them that night.

Adam deliberately left his phone on the other side of his small apartment so he wouldn’t be tempted to call back. He collapsed on the couch with his food, and his cat climbed up onto Adam’s stomach and settled down.

The cat was called Whiskers because Adam hadn’t been able to think of a more creative name. Whiskers was a stray who’d shown up at Adam’s previous apartment and kept coming back because Adam fed him, and he’d finally gotten inside on a night when Adam was so crushingly lonely that cuddling with a cat felt like a godsend. That had been the end of it. They belonged to each other after that.

But as Adam sat there, it occurred to him that he probably wasn’t going to see any living thing besides Whiskers that day. A lot of days were like that, if he wasn’t working. If he was lucky maybe he’d run out for groceries and have a conversation with the cashier, or he’d take a walk and run into kindly Mrs. Ramirez from downstairs or Mr. Cho who owned the shop next door.

It was too cold for a walk, and he didn’t need groceries.

His scrubs from last night were on the floor, and Matthew Lynch’s card was sticking out of the pocket. Adam Parrish had been invited to spend the holiday with actual, live human beings. Was he in any position to turn that down?

He fought with himself about it all day. He was still ready to change his mind as he waited outside in the freezing cold at 6 p.m. for his ride—a horrifically expensive Uber that took him out past the suburbs to the Lynch family farm.

The driveway was long and winding, with cow pastures on either side. It led up to a whitewashed farmhouse that looked like it had sprung out of the earth organically, like it couldn’t belong anywhere else.

On the front porch was a boy, talking on the phone, blond and pale with a dark bruise on one cheek. Adam approached the house, and the boy smiled at him. Adam hovered in front him for a minute, not sure if he should pass him to go inside or just wait.

But then the boy hung up the phone and smiled again. “You must be Adam,” he said. “They weren’t sure if you were coming.”

“Oh, I guess I should have RSVPed…”

“Don’t worry! They’ll be thrilled.” The boy stood up and offered a hand to shake. “I’m Noah. A friend of Ronan’s.”

“Everyone is friends with Ronan,” said Adam, trying to sound like he knew something. Noah laughed out loud, and Adam, nonplussed, said, “How do you know him?”

“From school,” said Noah. “One thing I can say for sure is that once you’re friends with him, it’s for life. The Lynches are loyal, and they protect their own.” Noah looked over him carefully, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I bet you’re like that too.”

“I try to be,” said Adam. He’d never given much thought to the concept of loyalty—it hadn’t existed in his family—but at least he was dedicating his adult life to helping people.

“I believe you,” said Noah seriously. “Anyway, let’s go in. It’s too cold to be outside.”

Matthew was upon him as soon as they walked in the door, taking his coat and tackling him with another hug. “Adam! I’m so glad you came! We’re about to eat!”

Everything about the house was comfortable and lived-in. They passed the living room, where Blue, Gansey, and a third man waved at Adam. Matthew took him into the kitchen, where a woman stood stirring something on the stove. She turned around and smiled at them, and Adam couldn’t believe that this was their mother until Matthew said so. Or maybe he could—someone perfect like Declan would’ve had to come from perfect parents, right? She came over and hugged Adam, too, introducing herself as Aurora. Adam couldn’t stop staring at her—the long, blonde hair, perfectly shiny and curled, the blue eyes like her sons’, the supernaturally calm demeanor. “I’m so happy to meet you,” she said. “The person Declan loves.”

Adam wanted to fall through the floor.

“We’ll eat in five minutes,” she told them.

Adam offered to help, but all they let him do was set the table—and really, Matthew did most of the work. He chattered away about the food, and Adam was happy to nod along and not have to speak.

When everyone was settled around the table, there were seven of them. No father—Adam knew better than to ask about that, though he was curious—and no third brother. Matthew, wide-eyed, said, “Ronan still isn’t back, can you believe it? He had to go to North Carolina for farm stuff—”

“Buying goats,” said Aurora. “Why that had to happen on Christmas Eve, I don’t understand.”

“—and he got stuck in snow for two days, and he’s missing dinner, and he said he probably won’t be back until, like, midnight.”

Matthew looked to Adam for a response, so Adam said, “That’s terrible.”

“I know!”

The other, unfamiliar man introduced himself as Henry Cheng, yet another friend of Ronan’s. “But they’re really more like family,” said Aurora.

Henry said that he hadn’t been able to make it home to Vancouver for Christmas that year, so he was celebrating with the Lynches instead. Noah, Gansey, and Blue had celebrated with their families, “But we’d never turn down another Christmas dinner,” Blue said.

Adam ate until he couldn’t anymore, and he accepted a warm glass of cider afterwards, as they all went into the other room for presents. He was shocked when Matthew handed him one—to Adam from Santa—and winked at him. He sat and held it for a while without opening it. He wanted to just soak everything in—the Christmas music playing softly from a stereo, the warmth from the fireplace, the voices and laughter, the way every so often someone tried to pull him back into the conversation, not wanting him to be left out. He closed his eyes and thought about how he’d never had this. He wanted to keep it so badly.

The gift turned out to be an incredibly nice watch. Too nice for someone like Adam. He couldn’t keep it, he thought. Not under false pretenses.

“I’m Santa,” Matthew whispered to him later, as if it wasn’t obvious. “I didn’t know what you would like. I asked Ronan and he said maybe a watch.”

“I love it,” said Adam.

The night grew late, and Adam kept looking for excuses not to leave. He looked at every family picture on the wall, noting that there had been a father, once, a roguish sort of father who looked strikingly like Declan. There was the middle brother, too, with those same blue eyes, plus dark curls and a friendly smile.

He sat with Aurora for an hour as she asked him question after question about medical school, residency, and his aspirations. It wasn’t the kind of questioning he’d expect from a future mother-in-law. She wasn’t trying to decide if he was good enough. She was trying to get to know him and make him feel comfortable.

He sat with Blue for a while, too, and she told him about her family full of psychics, and he told her about his interest in tarot, something he rarely admitted to anyone.

He escaped to the bathroom for a while to talk himself out of crying after Matthew called him “my new brother.”

Ronan’s friends finally left, but Matthew convinced Adam to spend the night. “It’s so late,” said Matthew. “And it’s so far back to the city.”

“I work early tomorrow,” he told them. “I might have to leave without saying goodbye in the morning.”

Aurora put an arm around him and said, “It’s all right. We’ll see you again soon.”

* * *

A little before 6 a.m., he crept out of the guest room and down the stairs to wait for another Uber. As he put on his shoes, a voice came out of the darkness of the living room, saying hello. Adam jumped out of his skin. He peered into the room and saw someone stand up from the couch and come into the light.

Tall. Pale. Shaved head. Piercing eyes. He was clutching a coffee mug and looked like he hadn’t slept. It took Adam a moment to realize that it was Ronan—he looked very little like his childhood pictures. “Hi, Ronan,” he said, trying to sound confident, because surely a fiancé would recognize a brother, even one he’d never met.

“Sorry I scared you,” said Ronan, but he didn’t smile and he didn’t look particularly sorry. “I hear you’re Declan’s fiancé.”

“Adam Parrish,” he said. Not an answer.

Ronan looked him up and down. Adam resisted the urge to squirm. “Too bad I missed dinner,” said Ronan. “I have so many questions.”

Adam didn’t like the sound of that. “Maybe some other time,” he said. He glanced at his phone, and to his relief, the Uber was about to arrive. “My ride is almost here,” he said. “I have work.”

Ronan raised his mug with an odd little smirk. “See you around, then.”

Adam hurried out the door and down the driveway to meet the car. As he slid into the backseat, he thought, _Declan’s brother is as hot as Declan._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pynch bonding time.

What Ronan kept asking himself was, how did he go to North Carolina for a couple of days and come home to find Declan in a coma and engaged _to a man_?

To _that_ man, the slender, elegant, blue-eyed man who had met Ronan’s stare without fear and then disappeared.

Two hours later, he was in mass with Matthew and the priest was praying for Declan’s healing, and Ronan leaned over and said, “What’s the deal with Parrish?”

“I told you,” Matthew whispered back. “He’s Declan’s fiancé.”

Ronan held back some of his thoughts about that and said, “I thought he was gonna marry that Ashley person. What the hell happened to her?”

The woman in front of them turned to glare at him briefly.

“Don’t swear in church,” said Matthew. “I don’t know what happened to her.”

“Why’d Parrish sneak out this morning?”

“He had work. Stop calling him Parrish. It’s _Adam._”

“Something doesn’t feel right about this,” said Ronan, glowering down at his hymnal.

The woman in front turned around again and hissed, “Please be quiet, young man!”

“Be nice,” Ronan told her. “We’re in church.”

* * *

He decided to take it upon himself to do some sleuthing. Apparently, Matthew had asked for Parrish’s address so they could belatedly send him a Christmas card. Ronan drove to the address that night—a run-down, six-story building near Fort Totten. It was light-years different from Declan’s place, and Ronan stared at it for a minute and thought that even beyond the most obvious reason, Adam Parrish seemed very unlike anyone Declan would date. 

He wasn’t sure he could just walk right in to the building, but conveniently, there was a man outside, tinkering with his car. When Ronan stopped to ask for help, he introduced himself as Tad Carruthers, the owner of the building.

“Ah,” said Ronan, “so you would know—” he squinted at the paper Matthew had given him— “the guy in 506?”

“I’m dating him,” said Tad proudly.

Ronan froze, just for a moment. Okay, here was the first piece of evidence that he was right. “Right. Of course. Well, do you know if he’s home yet?”

“Actually, I saw him leave a few minutes ago. Sorry.”

“No worries,” said Ronan. He headed for Declan’s place instead. His mother had asked him to stop by and feed the cat—he hadn’t even known Declan had a cat. He drove to Declan’s obnoxious little townhouse near Dupont Circle. Inside, he found no immediate evidence of a cat. After he’d checked downstairs a little, he went upstairs, burst into Declan’s bedroom, and tripped over Adam Parrish.

Parrish was sitting on the floor, looking through a photo album, which seemed like an unreasonably sentimental thing for Declan to have. It was open to a picture of Declan and one of his high school girlfriends. Ronan wondered if Parrish knew about the many, many women Declan had been with.

Parrish had yelped when the door hit him, then put his hand to his heart like an old woman. “You startled me,” he said. “Again.”

Ronan stared down at him. “How’d you get in here?”

“Key,” said Parrish. “Is that okay with you?”

Hmm. Parrish was sarcastic. “I guess. Did you feed the cat?” This would be a test. If they were really engaged, Parrish should know whether or not Declan had a cat.

“Yeah,” said Parrish. “I felt so bad for not thinking of it sooner.” On cue, the cat emerged from Declan’s closet, and while Ronan was a little annoyed to have been wrong about its existence, he was amused to think of it sitting on one of Declan’s fancy suits.

Ronan flopped down on Declan’s bed and sighed dramatically. He needed to get to the bottom of this. He eyed Parrish, still on the floor and flipping through photos. “Did you go see him today? At the hospital?”

“I was at the hospital all day for work,” said Parrish pointedly. “I spent time with him when I could.”

“I’m thinking of going over there. Right now. To see him. You want to come?” Another test—a really devoted fiancé would be willing to visit again, right?

“I was about to head home,” said Parrish. “It’s been a really long day, and seeing him is kind of hard, because I can’t do anything for him, and that’s frustrating.”

This sounded suspiciously caring. Ronan couldn’t think of a good counter-argument. They sat in silence for a minute. “Mom wants you to come over for dinner again.” Would Parrish say yes?

“Sounds nice.”

“She wants to a picture of you.”

“Why?”

“To put on the wall with everybody else’s pictures.”

“I’m not very photogenic,” said Parrish, and Ronan had to snort at that, since he was currently being treated to a very nice picture of Parrish’s long eyelashes downcast as he turned the pages of the photo album with his annoyingly lovely hands.

He came to the end of the album and closed it, then looked up at Ronan with those dark blue eyes. “I guess I’ll see you around.”

He left, and Ronan was frustrated that he hadn’t solved the mystery yet. There was no way that that guy was actually marrying his brother.

* * *

He did see Ronan around—the next day, when Ronan finally visited the hospital with his mother and Matthew. He was surprised that seeing Declan so still and pale actually did bother him. Declan was usually so obnoxiously alive. Never quiet, never inactive. Ronan hadn’t yet considered that they might actually lose him. He wasn’t sure if the family could take another blow like that.

Parrish stopped by when they’d already been there for an hour. He sat there and made pleasant small-talk with Matthew and their mom, and Ronan couldn’t stop staring at the way Parrish’s hair fell across his forehead a bit unevenly. Ronan hated it.

When there was a lull in conversation, Ronan asked, “When did you meet Declan?”

Parrish hesitated for just a moment. “The beginning of September.”

“Three months, and you’re engaged?” His tone was a little too hostile, and his mom shot him a look.

“It was a bit fast,” Parrish agreed.

“When you know, you know!” said Matthew enthusiastically.

Ronan tried again a minute later. “I’m thinking of getting Declan some kind of present. Do you know what his favorite flower is?”

Parrish eyed him coolly. “I brought him these flowers yesterday. I figured he’d be a classic red rose kind of guy.”

Ronan hadn’t noticed the roses right next to Parrish’s face. Damn. “Hmm, what about food, then? Do you know his favorite food?”

“He’s certainly very fond of pasta,” said Parrish.

“What _kind_ of pasta?”

“My favorite is the bowtie kind!” Matthew volunteered.

Ronan and Parrish were having a staring contest. “Maybe I should get him a book. What’s his favorite book, Parrish?”

“He reads political biographies,” said Parrish. “His idol is John F. Kennedy.”

Unfortunately, Ronan didn’t know if that was true or not. Declan’s favorite book growing up had been _Henry Huggins._ Maybe Ronan didn’t know enough about his brother now to play this game.

Meanwhile, his mother was staring at him. “Ronan, what is the matter with you?”

He might as well lay it all out, he thought. “Parrish is being unfaithful to Declan.”

“What?” said Aurora and Parrish at once.

“Yeah, I met his other boyfriend,” Ronan said to his mother, still staring at Parrish.

“Other boyfriend? What are you talking about?” Parrish seemed truly flabbergasted. What a good actor.

“Tad Carruthers,” said Ronan.

“Tad?” Parrish’s jaw dropped. “Are you kidding me? He’s practically my landlord. We aren’t dating.”

“He said it’s pretty serious.”

“He’s nuts. He’s been asking me out for months and refuses to see that I’m not interested.”

They both looked at Aurora and Matthew, who both had their nervous faces on. Aurora was practically wringing her hands. They clearly weren’t sure who to believe, which was annoying. Why would they trust a guy they’d known for three days over Ronan?

“In fact, I’m not sure how well Parrish and Declan even know each other,” said Ronan. “You want to tell us?”

Parrish looked Ronan right in the eye and said, “I know that your brother is still running your father’s business on the side. He’s in regular contact with buyers all over the world. I know that he was engaged before and he broke it off. If you’re looking for more intimate information, I know that he has a large scar on his right, inner thigh from a skiing accident last month. Should I go on?”

“I didn’t know about any skiing accident,” said Aurora. She peeked under Declan’s blanket and hospital gown and said, “Adam is right.”

Ronan was floored. Their father’s business was so incredibly secret that Declan never told them anything about it. But he told Parrish? After three months of dating?

He had to admit, he might’ve been mistaken about this whole thing.

* * *

Adam was fairly exhausted after surviving the third degree from Declan’s brother—who was still hot, but also kind of horrible. Adam wasn’t sure when he’d committed himself so fully to this charade, and once the moment had passed, he felt guilty for continuing to lie.

A nurse’s assistant had handed him a box full of Declan’s belongings the day before, referring to Declan as Adam’s _husband,_ which had led to an enormous amount of interest from a group of smarmy work friends of Declan’s who were visiting that day. They were the ones who’d told him about the accident and mentioned a previous engagement.

He’d looked through the box and found Declan’s wallet and keys as well as a packet of cat treats, which had sent him into a panic, imagining a cat waiting at home for Declan, going days without being fed. He’d let himself into Declan’s house and found a still healthy but very fussy kitty. After feeding her, he’d looked around a bit. Declan was a lawyer by day, but he had a huge stack of files on his desk referring to some side business. Adam had only snooped enough to ascertain that it had been their father’s business and that it involved selling something.

He’d used this information—and some careful guessing—to arm himself against Ronan.  
As tired as he was, he sat by Declan’s side for a while after Aurora and the brothers left. Going home to an empty apartment seemed unappealing compared to this dream he’d created of being in a loving, committed relationship.

He needed to pull himself back down to Earth. He was risking a lot by playing this game. And if it had all been true, then he would also be at risk of losing his fiancé. Declan’s condition was stable but, so far, not improving.

He let himself reach out and touch Declan’s hand for a moment. “I’m sorry,” he said out loud. “I shouldn’t be using you like this. I didn’t mean to. It was just this dumb fantasy, and my coworker misunderstood, and—” he sighed. “And I’ve let it go on because the fantasy was so much better than my reality. I’m so lonely I’d rather sit here with you even though you can’t talk to me. Do you believe in love at first sight? You seem too sensible for that. I feel like that’s what happened with me and you, but it’s probably more that you represented something I wanted. And you don’t even know my name.” He’d laugh if it were actually funny. “I’m Adam Parrish, by the way. Your fake fiancé.”

He decided to stop talking before this situation got any more pathetic. Once again, he fell asleep sitting by Declan Lynch’s bed.

* * *

He was about to take his lunch break the next day when he saw Ronan’s friend Noah coming down the hall. There was no obvious reason for him to be in this part of the hospital, and it became clear that he was heading straight towards Adam.

So Adam ended up eating his lunch in the hospital courtyard with Noah. “I’m actually not here to see Declan,” Noah explained. “My sister works here, too. Adele Czerny—do you know her? She’s up in maternity.”

“Oh, I have met her,” said Adam. “I can’t believe I didn’t make the connection—you two look so much alike.”

Noah gave him a pained smile. “I need to tell you something. I came to see Adele last night and decided to stop in and say hi to Declan, and, well—you were in his room, and you were talking to him, and I heard what you said.”

Adam remembered his foggy, tired, depressed state from the night before. He remembered his confession. He didn’t know what to say.

“I don’t totally understand,” said Noah. “You aren’t really Declan’s fiancé? You don’t know him?”

He haltingly told Noah the whole story. He expected judgement or anger, but Noah just listened silently. “I’ll tell them the truth,” Adam promised. “I just need to figure out how to do it.”

“I’m not sure I’d tell them just yet,” said Noah slowly. “Do you remember when I told you that the Lynches are loyal and protective?” Adam nodded. “You said that you try to be that way, too, and I still believe you. I don’t think you’re a bad person, and I think you’re good for them. Declan is still loyal, but ever since their dad died, the family has been fragmented, and he’s sort of distant from the others. Now they’re in a situation where they might lose him for good, and you’re helping hold them together, even if you don’t realize it. Declan feels less distant for them when you’re around.”

Adam didn’t know what to make of that. “If Declan wakes up—which obviously I hope he will—the truth is going to come out.”

“If we get to that point,” said Noah, “I’ll help you tell them. They’ve known me for too long for them to get mad at me.”

Adam laughed shakily, and Noah smiled at him, and it felt like things might be okay.

* * *

Ronan’s mother was not pleased with his behavior. Two days after the hospital incident with Parrish, she sent him back to Parrish’s apartment to apologize, and to deliver an engagement present. The present was a truly hideous loveseat that Ronan knew Declan would hate—only Aurora thought it was pretty—and that thought cheered Ronan a little.

He had discovered in the course of his conversation with Tad Carruthers that one could come and go from the building pretty much freely. Not great security. He was halfway up the stairs to Parrish’s apartment when he ran into Carruthers again. Carruthers glared at him and said, “Are you going up to see Adam? Tell him he seriously owes me for blowing off the football game.”  
Ronan just nodded and kept walking.

Parrish swung the door open and fixed him with a defiant, wary look. “Hi. More questions?”

“I’ve been instructed to apologize to you,” said Ronan.

“I’m sure it’ll be incredibly sincere,” said Parrish.

Ronan had to admit that Parrish’s refusal to take any crap was growing on him. He gritted his teeth and said, “It’s just that I hate lies, and I thought I’d caught one… Clearly I was wrong.”

A funny expression flitted across Parrish’s face—almost guilty. “You were right that I haven’t known him for long. I’m sure there’s lots I don’t know about Declan.”

“But you’re ready to marry him?” Ronan tried not to sound too unfriendly.

“Yes,” said Parrish.

Ronan briefly wondered if Parrish was a gold-digger. “Well, good, because my mom sent an engagement present. It’s furniture. Should I bring it up?”

Again Parrish looked guilty. “You know what,” he said, “let’s take it to Declan’s place.”

“You don’t even know what it looks like,” Ronan pointed out. Not that he was going to say no to putting that monstrosity in Declan’s house.

“Anything would look nicer in Declan’s house,” said Parrish, and then he was coming out the door.

So they went to Declan’s. Ronan was driving the old farm truck, and Parrish looked perfectly at home in it, which begged the question, what would he look like in Declan’s posh little Volvo?

Probably still good. Probably he’d look good anywhere.

Parrish let them into the house with _his_ key. Ronan wondered how often Parrish stayed over, then wondered why he cared.

There was no obvious place to put the loveseat on the first floor of Declan’s house, and after some consideration, they decided to put in the guest room. That meant maneuvering it up the incredibly narrow stairs, which had them both sweaty and laughing by the time it was over. They collapsed together onto the loveseat and then Adam said, “Why is the floor wet?”

Apparently they’d knocked over a bottle of wine that had been sitting on the floor, which made them laugh even harder. Adam’s next question was, “Why was there a bottle of wine on the guest room floor?”

“For some alcoholic overnight guest,” said Ronan, and then there was a moment of silence during which he expected Parrish to be offended at the insinuation of overnight guests other than himself.

But all he said was, “You don’t happen to know where Declan keeps a mop?”

And Ronan said, “Declan? Doing his own cleaning?”

But actually they found one in the laundry room and tried to mop up the glass-and-wine mess but mostly succeeded in just pushing it around until they gave up.

After that, Parrish said, “I’m hungry,” and Ronan said, “The only good thing about this neighborhood is the Shake Shack down the street.”

So they walked to Shake Shack and got it to go, kept walking all the way down Connecticut Avenue to 17th Street, passing near the White House and the Ellipse, onto the Mall. It wasn’t as cold as it had been earlier in the week. Being outside was actually bearable. They finally sat down and ate their burgers and shakes in the shadow of the Washington Monument.

And they talked. Ronan didn’t really want to admit curiosity, but he started with, “So what do the fuck do you do at the hospital?”

Adam, mouth full of burger, said, “I’m a pediatric resident.”

“You work with kids?”

“Yeah.”

“What do you—do you have like a specialty?” Ronan knew nothing about this kind of thing.

“Pediatrics is my specialization, but I’m considering sub-specializing in pediatric surgery.” To punctuate this, he removed a pickle from his burger with surgical precision.

“Holy god, why?” Parrish side-eyed him, so he quickly added, “That just sounds really difficult.”

Adam was silent for a long moment before answering. “I was a child who ended up needing surgery a few times and didn’t get it. I want the chance to make it more accessible for people who can’t afford it. I just—I just don’t ever want a child to suffer because of something out of their control, something to do with their parents…”

Ronan had a lot of thoughts really quickly—that there was quite a backstory there, that he wasn’t going to ask about the backstory, that Adam must have grown up poor, that Adam was a really fucking good person, and what the hell was he doing with _Declan?_

“That’s cool, man,” said Ronan, which was a lame response. “I mean, that’s really… impressive.”

“What about you?” said Adam, as he polished off the burger and moved on to the shake. He was sitting on the grass with his legs curled up under him, facing Ronan, who had his legs out straight. “You work on the family farm?”

“Yeah.” A little less impressive than doing surgery on poor kids.

“Do you guys produce something to sell?” Adam asked.

“We’re mostly a dairy farm,” he said. “We grow vegetables for ourselves, but yeah, we sell dairy cow products. We’re expanding to goat milk and cheese, which is why I was traveling.”

“To buy goats? Yeah, Matthew said.” Parrish looked thoughtful. “Maybe I’m just romanticizing things, but that seems like it’d be a really peaceful life. Running a farm. Selling milk and cheese.”

“And butter and cream,” Ronan added. “Yeah, I guess it is. Peaceful. There’s nothing else I’d want to do, but it’s starting to feel a little stagnant. I hardly ever leave the farm. Going to North Carolina, that was new. I’m never even in the city—I don’t like the city, but it’s weird to never go anywhere.”

“I get that,” Adam nodded. “I never left my hometown until college, and god, I was so ready to go. I’d still love to travel more—I’ve only ever been on the East Coast.”

“Where’d you go to school?” Ronan asked.

“Harvard. Then Johns Hopkins for med school.” 

He said it offhand, like it was no big deal, and Ronan could start to imagine what interested Declan about Adam Parrish. “Shit,” said Ronan. “That’s crazy, Parrish.”

“What about you?”

“College? No, I, uh, I didn’t—” Ronan kind of wanted to die. What was a Harvard grad doing even talking to him? “I didn’t go.”

Parrish didn’t miss a beat. “Oh, well. People act like it’s the only path, but really, it’s not for everybody. I mean, you don’t need it for a lot of careers.”

“Nice to know you’re not an elitist,” said Ronan. “Your fiancé, though, is still giving me crap for not going to college.”

Parrish rolled his eyes. Ronan wasn’t sure if he was being mocked or if Declan was. “I can’t really be an elitist. I grew up in a trailer park.” Adam’s cheeks pinked, and he stared at his shake. “Don’t tell anyone, though, okay?”

“Does Declan know?”

“Yes,” said Adam slowly.

Okay, so maybe Declan was less of an elitist than Ronan had thought. Or maybe he’d just decided to ignore it because adult Adam was so impressive.

Anyway, Adam was clearly getting uncomfortable, so Ronan tried changing the subject. “Where would you go, then? If you traveled?”

“I want to see other countries,” said Parrish.

“Which other countries?”

Parrish hummed and cocked his head, thinking. It was so endearing it felt like a gut-punch. “Italy comes to mind—is that totally predictable?”

“Nah,” said Ronan. “Italy’s probably cool. What city?”

“Florence,” said Adam without hesitation. “You know that building with the huge, red-roofed dome? I don’t know what it’s called, but I always see it in pictures, and I want to see it in person instead.”

“The Duomo,” said Ronan.

“You know it?”

“I mean, I’m just super fucking Catholic, and it’s a famous church, so yeah.”

Adam sighed again. “Maybe someday.”

“I think you’ll get there,” said Ronan. With Declan, he probably would.

“I got a passport just in case,” said Parrish, smiling. “Where would you go? To feel less stagnant?”

“Is there a part of Italy that’s just kind of empty? I like being in the middle of fucking nowhere.”

Parrish laughed. “Can I recommend Siberia?”

They finished eating and threw away their trash, walking lazily back the way they’d come. “I should probably find the nearest Metro stop,” said Parrish. “Get myself home.”

“Maybe you’ll meet another handsome stranger on the Metro.”

“I only need the one,” said Parrish. 

Ronan’s stomach tied itself up in knots. “Come back to Declan’s. I’ll give you a ride home.”

Adam laughed. “That’s out of my way.”

“Do it anyway.”

Adam did, and Ronan was pleased at having bought himself another hour. They took the Metro back to Declan’s, and on the sidewalk in front of Declan’s house, there was an abandoned Safeway shopping cart. Ronan had a flash of a brilliant idea. “Get in,” he told Parrish. “Let’s race down the street.”

“In a shopping cart?” Parrish looked disdainful, raising an eyebrow. “How’d that even get here?”

“Yes, in the cart. I dare you.” He waited to see if Parrish would take the bait.

“It’s not really a dare if there’s nothing to win,” said Adam, but he was approaching the cart and looking it over. “Okay, hold it still.”

Ronan did. Adam climbed in, and Ronan was absolutely thrilled.

“This has got to be my stupidest idea of all time,” said Parrish as he settled in.

“It wasn’t your idea.”

“How’m I going to explain to my supervisors if I have to miss work for shopping cart racing injuries?”

“That sounds like a you problem,” said Ronan. He grabbed the handle and put one foot on the front bar. “Here we go.”

“Oh, god.” Parrish put both hands over his nose—like that was the thing most likely to break—and Ronan pushed off the sidewalk, and they whizzed down Declan’s street. Ronan was pleased at the speed they picked up as they went along. A woman in a passing car yelled at them, and Ronan heard laughter from some open window. It was smooth sailing until they hit a crack; the cart lurched sideways, and Ronan tried to right it and failed. They hit the ground, and Adam tumbled out onto the pavement. 

Ronan braced himself for possible anger, but instead, Adam started to laugh. His hair was sticking up in several directions, and he was rubbing his elbow. “That’s a scrape. That’s a scrape for sure. And multiple knee bruises.”

“Regrets?” Ronan asked.

Adam smiled. “None.”

He did complain a little, as they walked back to Declan’s house, about how sore he’d be tomorrow. They climbed into the truck and drove back to Fort Totten, and Ronan got Adam laughing again with an impression of a younger Declan practicing his speeches for class president in front of their bathroom mirror.

The drive was too short. Ronan sat and watched Adam walk up to his building and disappear inside, and he wondered to himself how Declan had managed to find Ronan’s perfect guy.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misunderstandings & Declan wakes up

On New Year’s Eve, Adam found himself, unexpectedly, with two invitations. One to have dinner with the Lynches and Ronan’s friends, who were coming into the city to see Declan again. One to a party that one of the pediatric nurses, Tara, was having at her house. He figured he’d go to dinner, then make a brief appearance at the party, which he wasn’t too excited about anyway. It was nice, at least, to have something to do.

The previous day, he’d checked in on Declan, and the on-duty nurse had told him that Declan had progressed to a vegetative state, which was an alarming name for something hopeful. He was improving—he was opening his eyes, reacting to pain.

On the 31st, when he met the Lynches in Declan’s room, the news was even better. Declan was minimally conscious, making purposeful movements and looking at people who said his name. Aurora and Matthew were over the moon. Adam felt a little sick. Soon, the truth was going to come out.

One of the trauma nurses caught Adam in the hall outside and wanted to ask all about his engagement. Apparently it was the hot gossip on the trauma floor. “It happened so fast! Is it a shotgun wedding?” she laughed. “Or are you getting deported or something?”

Adam rolled his eyes. “Yeah, Em, I’m getting deported. Declan’s just getting me the green card.”  
She laughed at him again.

Dinner was a chaotic affair at a family-style restaurant near the hospital. Matthew wasn’t his usual chatty self at dinner, and Ronan was avoiding talking to Adam, which annoyed him, because Adam had convinced himself that they were friends now. After moving furniture and eating dinner together and talking about life and joyriding in a shopping cart—how could they not be?

Everyone else, though, was talking over each other—Aurora going on and on about the mashed potatoes, Gansey and Henry arguing about who was the best Batman, Noah and Blue comparing their wildest New Year’s Eves ever, Aurora making Adam blush when she asked him about wedding plans and then again when she said, “Can you find me someone nice for Ronan?”

“Ah, I don’t really know Ronan’s type,” Adam said, trying not to think too much about the way Ronan had looked at him the night before.

Ronan met his eyes for the first time that day and said, “I like dumb guys. The dumber the better.”

And Matthew said to him, “What about that guy you liked in high school? Wasn’t he like, the valedictorian?”

Adam laughed at the thought of Ronan—wannabe rebel who dressed in all black and had a tattoo peeking out from under his shirt collar—pining for the valedictorian.

Ronan returned to ignoring him—but only until dinner was over and Adam stood outside the restaurant talking Matthew through a problem on his chemistry homework. Ronan hovered behind them, and only when he was done helping Matthew did Adam turn and raise an eyebrow to ask what Ronan wanted.

“I can give you a ride home again,” said Ronan.

“Thanks,” said Adam, “but I’m not going home. I’m headed to a party.”

“I can drive you there.”

“I was just going to walk it. It’s like ten minutes from here.”

“Let me give you a ride,” Ronan insisted. “It’s cold again.”

It was a lot colder than the night before, but Adam was feeling fine in his winter coat. He wondered if Ronan’s leather jacket was enough to keep him warm.

(It was a really nice jacket.)

Adam took the ride.

Tonight, instead of the truck, Ronan was driving a sleek, gray BMW, an older model. “Great car,” Adam said.

“It was my dad’s,” said Ronan.

Adam had become intensely curious about Ronan’s dad, but he didn’t want to pry. He waited for more information. Ronan said, “I’m guessing Declan hasn’t told you that much about him.”

“Not much,” said Adam.

“You know he’s dead?”

Adam hummed noncommittally, because his way of getting through these conversations was to avoid lying too blatantly.

“It fucked me up for a long time,” said Ronan. “And then Declan tried to step in and be him, and that’s why we don’t get along.”

“That must have been really hard for both of you.”

Ronan snorted, and the implication was clear—he didn’t think it had been nearly as hard for Declan. Adam decided not to continue the conversation, and they were almost to Tara’s anyway. Ronan parked outside the house and turned his car off. Wordlessly, he followed Adam to the door and inside, where someone immediately mistook him for Adam’s fiancé. Adam saw him grimace at that and was more than a little annoyed. Was it so awful to be linked with Adam? Why was Ronan even still here?

He managed to escape from Ronan for a moment, and Kelly caught up with him as he poured himself a Coke. “Is that Declan Lynch’s brother?” she said, watching him across the room.

“Yes.”

“Why’d you bring him?”

“I didn’t. He followed me in.”

“Have you seriously still not told them the truth?”

Adam really didn’t need her judgement at the moment. “One of the family friends knows and advised me not to tell them until Declan is in better condition. They’re still so worried.”

Kelly pursed her lips as if she didn’t like that answer. “And you’re hanging out with his brother?”

“He kind of won’t leave me alone,” said Adam, sipping his drink and looking at Ronan, glowering in a corner. He didn’t actually want Ronan to leave him alone. Except maybe right now, because it was weird for Ronan to be in a room full of Adam’s colleagues.

Kelly examined him for a moment and said, “Oh my god, Adam, you can’t like both of them.”

Adam winced. “Am I that obvious?”

“You’re staring at him.” He quickly turned back to Kelly, and she just shook her head at him. “Good luck with that.”

He made his way back over to Ronan, and the first thing Ronan said to him, apropos of nothing, was, “Are you Canadian?”

“What?” Adam frowned. “No. Did we not talk just yesterday about how I’ve never been out of the country?”

“Why the fuck are you getting deported, then?”

He said it loudly, just as there was a lull in the music. Everyone in their immediate vicinity turned and stared, including one of Adam’s supervisors, Dr. Miller, who said, “Adam, is there something you need to tell me?”

After he’d convinced everyone that he was definitely American and not being deported, he stormed out of the party, too humiliated to stay. Ronan followed him, of course. The last place Adam wanted to be was trapped in a car with Ronan, but he was way too far from home to walk back, and it was freezing.

In the car, Ronan said, “You’re pissed at me,” and Adam said, “No shit.”

They didn’t speak again until they were idling outside Adam’s apartment building.

“What in the world possessed you to say that?” Adam asked. He was beginning to realize that it wasn’t that big of a deal, but the whole thing was bizarre.

Ronan was glaring at the steering wheel instead of looking at Adam. “Matthew said that he heard you telling someone at the hospital that you were about to be deported and it was a green card marriage.”

“Oh my god, we were joking,” said Adam. He could imagine Matthew misunderstanding, but Ronan too?

And suddenly he saw it all so clearly—why something like this would make sense to Ronan, who had been so sure that Adam was only using his brother. Ronan, to whom he had admitted a little bit of his background.

“I guess it’s hard to imagine that Declan would marry someone like me for any other reason,” he said quietly.

Ronan didn’t deny it. “You’re not really his type.”

“Oh really, whose type am I?” Adam asked fiercely. He turned to face Ronan, hoping for eye contact that didn’t come.

“Man, I didn’t even know he was gay, all right?” Ronan said. “This is all a little weird for me. I was so scared he wouldn’t be cool with it when I told him I was.”

Adam sighed. What could he say to that? He had no idea if Declan was gay or not. “I’m sorry your relationship with him isn’t the best, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to have issues with him too.”

“Everyone has issues with him,” said Ronan darkly, and Adam was done.

“Okay, you know what? I had a really lousy Christmas. You just managed to kill my New Year’s. If you come back on Easter, you can burn down my apartment.” 

He got out of the car and started walking. He heard Ronan get out of the car with a muffled _shit_ and scurry up behind him.

“I’m actually not trying to say that I think it’s a bad thing, you and him. It’s like, like—_felix culpa.”_

Adam stopped and leaned against the side door into his building, facing Ronan, who looked, surprisingly, a little desperate. “A happy fault,” said Adam. “You know Latin.”

Ronan shrugged. “It was the only thing I liked in school.”

Adam tried not to find that attractive.

“I’m saying, like, it doesn’t make sense, you and Dec, but I guess something good could still come from it,” Ronan explained.

“You _guess?”_

“I don’t know what else to say. If it makes you happy, then I’m glad.” He looked a little pained to admit it, though. “It kind of seems like you need it.”

“Oh, and you’re an expert on happiness,” Adam shot back, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut. How had someone learned him so fast? He’d always felt unknowable. It was both isolating and comforting.

“I’m not,” said Ronan, kicking at the ground a little. “So I recognize unhappiness when I see it.”

“You have no right to judge me, okay?” said Adam. He wasn’t sure that was actually what was happening, but he felt like he was spinning out of control. “You have no idea what it’s like to be alone. You still have your family. I don’t. You still have Declan, even if you don’t appreciate him. I have no one, okay?”

Ronan looked taken aback. He shoved his hands in his pockets and said in a surprisingly gentle tone, “You have Declan now, though.”

“I don’t have anyone,” said Adam, and he went inside.

He counted down to the new year by himself.

* * *

Adam came back with groceries the next day, and in case he’d thought things couldn’t get worse, ran into Tad on the stairs.

Tad said, “I saw you last night in the courtyard with that guy with the shaved head. Are you seeing him?”

“None of your business,” said Adam, and kept walking.

Tad followed. “I think it’s a little bit my business if you’re choosing him over me.”

Adam paused and considered his words. He still needed to stay on Tad’s good side. But also, this needed to stop. “Tad, it’s not like that,” he said, looking down into Tad’s still-hopeful face. “I’m really sorry, but I’m just not interested in you romantically.”

Tad sighed. “God, I thought I had a chance until that guy came on the scene.”

It was only then that Adam really registered that Tad thought he was dating Ronan. “Why do you say that?” he asked, out of curiosity.

“I saw the way you looked at him,” said Tad. “Like you just discovered the cure for cancer or something.”

* * *

It was unbearably cold in Adam’s apartment. He kept his coat on and lay on the floor next to his radiator. Whiskers came and curled up on his stomach. Adam’s mind was consumed—he hadn’t thought about Declan all day for thinking about Ronan.

He dozed off there and woke later to his phone ringing. It was the hospital. Declan was awake.

* * *

Actually, he was asleep when Adam arrived, half an hour later, but earlier in the day he’d been fully conscious, talking, answering questions, asking about his injuries and treatment. The Lynches came hurrying in not long after Adam did, with Noah and Gansey in tow. Adam collapsed in the nearest available chair while the others asked Dr. Hopson about a million questions. Ronan was ignoring him again, which Adam probably deserved, after the night before.

A few minutes later, Declan woke up again. He greeted everyone, accepted hugs, and then he looked at Adam and said, “Hi, I don’t think we’ve met before.”

And there it was. Right away.

In the long, horrible moment that followed, Adam tried to think of anything he could say.

Aurora said, “Oh my word.” Adam braced himself. And she followed it with, “Darling, do you have amnesia?”

Dr. Hopson came back. They discussed the possibility that Declan’s brain trauma had caused memory loss. Adam went into the hall and sat down again and buried his face in his hands. He grabbed Noah at the first available opportunity. “What do I do? What do I do?”

“I’ll handle it,” Noah promised. “It’ll be okay.”

Adam stayed in the hall. Gansey and the Lynches were still in Declan’s room, and Adam didn’t know if anyone had informed him yet that he had a fiancé. Noah had completely disappeared, which was incredibly unhelpful but probably meant that no one was going to come out and yell at Adam for being a liar.

Later, they all came back out, and Aurora and Matthew hugged Adam and told him that everything would turn out all right, and Gansey shook his hand in a sympathetic sort of way. Noah appeared as they were all leaving, and Adam pulled him aside. “Where did you go?”

“Up to see Adele,” he said cheerfully.

“I thought you were going to—you know—” Adam gestured wildly in a way that meant _take care of everything._ It wasn’t fair to put it all on Noah, but he had offered.

“I will,” said Noah sagely. “Just be patient. I have a plan.”

“And when is this plan actually going to be implemented…?”

Noah just followed the others, and Adam had no choice but to do the same.

Outside, Aurora produced a Polaroid camera from her purse and took Adam’s picture— “for our wall.” Adam had kind of thought Ronan was joking about that. The picture developed, and Adam thought he looked incredibly awkward—it was such a forced smile—but Aurora said he was handsome, and Gansey pronounced him “a prince among men.” Before they left, Matthew made him promise to come out to the farm the following weekend.

And then Adam found himself, for the third day in a row, catching a ride home from Ronan. He watched Ronan drive, watched the light and shadow shift across the sharp lines of his face. What a strange feeling, Adam thought, to look at the person next to him and know that he wasn’t in love with them but that he probably could be someday, if he let himself. And because of the crazy circumstances of their meeting, he could never let himself.

Eventually, to break the ice, he said, “I’m sorry for snapping at you last night.”

“Whatever, man,” said Ronan. “You’re under a lot of stress right now.” He said it like he’d been desperately waiting to speak but hadn’t known what to say. He added, “It must be really shit that he doesn’t remember you.”

“I’m just glad he’s going to be okay,” said Adam. Which was true. Because Adam was not a completely horrible person.

Ronan continued with this clearly pent-up apology. “I didn’t mean to offend you last night. I think Declan would be crazy not to marry you.”

This shocked Adam into silence for a minute. He wished he could take this as proof that Ronan really did like him, too. But they were talking about Adam’s engagement to someone else. 

He thought about Ronan saying, only a few days ago, that he hated lies. No matter how gently Noah broke the truth, Ronan would never forgive Adam, he was sure. He would lose them all—Ronan’s friends, who already seemed like they could become Adam’s friends, too. Matthew, who already considered him a brother. Aurora, who’d been so kind to him.

None of them had deserved to be lied to. Adam felt so awful.

Before anything else happened, he wanted Ronan to know that he cared. He took a deep breath and said, “Everything’s going to be different now.”

“I know.”

“But I’ve enjoyed getting to know you.”

“You’ve enjoyed when I interrogated you and accused you of cheating and almost got you deported?” Ronan gave him the most insouciant smile, but his eyes were a little remorseful.

Adam had to laugh. “What a week.” He scrubbed his face with his hand. His life had changed _so fast._ “I just want to say that no matter what happens next, I really do consider you a friend now.”

The smile disappeared. “A friend?” Ronan asked.

What was that tremor in his voice? Surprise? Hesitation? Disappointment?

“Yeah.”

Long pause. The grin returned. “You aren’t going to let Dec come between us?”

“No.” _Dec_ wasn’t going to be the problem.

“Good,” said Ronan.

They kept driving.

* * *

It was January 2nd. It was about 18 hours since Adam Parrish had called Ronan his friend, and Ronan had not yet decided if this was a good thing or not.

It was about two hours since his mother had asked him to go to the hospital again and keep Declan company while they moved him to a different room because he was no longer “critical” or whatever. Ronan had agreed because going to the hospital might mean seeing Adam.

He didn’t see Adam. He wheeled Declan from one hallway to another in a chair and listened to him list all the things he could remember: his birthday, all his friends’ birthdays, his high school locker combination, his Social Security number.

“They said it was _selective_ amnesia,” said Ronan, who really was trying to be nice. “It’s normal that you still remember some things.”

“I feel like I’m going crazy,” said Declan. “I’m questioning whether I like yogurt or not.”

“You don’t.”

“How could I forget getting _engaged?”_

“You really don’t remember anything about him?” Ronan was still intensely curious about the whole sexuality thing. “Do you remember being into men?”

Declan looked up just to glare at him. “Not that it’s your business, but I’ve been questioning for a while.”

This was _news._

“I can imagine going out with a guy,” said Declan. “I don’t remember ever feeling so comfortable with it that I’d get engaged…”

They reached Declan’s new room, and a nurse’s assistant helped settle him in his new bed. Ronan sat down, and when they were alone again, Declan turned to him, looking serious. “I know you think I’m a shit person.”

Ronan rolled his eyes and sighed deeply. “I’m not here to get into that, man. Mom would kill me.”

“I’m starting to wonder if maybe I have been. I mean, do you have any idea how shady Dad’s business was? So shady that he died for it…”

“I really don’t want to hear this,” said Ronan.

“… And I’ve just kept it going without really thinking about what I was doing. It just seemed like my duty, so I’ve done it mindlessly. Ripping people off for years.”

“Declan, please, God, shut up.” Ronan was already in a terrible mood, and talking about their dad never made anything better.

Declan ignored him. He was looking at the ceiling now in a contemplative way. Ronan had never really seen Declan do any soul-searching. “I’ve never taken my romantic relationships seriously. You always gave me crap for that, and I didn’t really care.”

If Declan was about to say that he hadn’t taken _Adam_ seriously, then Ronan was probably going to punch him, brain injury or no brain injury.

“But now I’m thinking maybe I should’ve. I need to treat people better. Having a near-death experience really puts things into perspective.”

“Congrats,” said Ronan, hoping maybe sarcasm would shut Declan up if nothing else did.

“Adam is special, right?” Declan asked, looking at Ronan again for an answer.

“Yeah, he’s fucking special,” said Ronan, exhausted.

“What is it about him?”

“Ugh.” Ronan couldn’t look at his brother if he was going to actually answer that question. “He’s like. Sarcastic and funny and not afraid of anything. He’s crazy smart, and he’s going to change the world. You just know he is. But he’s the type who wouldn’t want any credit, he’d just do it, like, quietly.”

“Hmm,” said Declan. “Your friend Noah came in here yesterday when you guys stepped out, and he told me how nice Adam is and that I should really still marry him even though I don’t remember him.”

Ronan was going to kill Noah. Or throw him out a window. Or something.

No, he wasn’t. Noah didn’t know how Ronan felt.

“Great,” he said.

“I don’t have to know what’s special about him right now.” Declan had gone pensive again.

“I just told you—” 

“I don’t have to know because I have my whole life to figure it out.”

Ronan bolted out of his chair. “Okay, bye Declan.”

* * *

Adam had been happy to take one day away from everything, not having to think about the mess he was in (of course he thought about it anyway). It all came rushing back on the 3rd. Kelly came to pediatrics to talk to him about Declan’s condition—much improved, but he’d probably have to stay for another week or so to be monitored. She took Adam down to see him— “He’s been asking for you. I talked to Miller. She said it’s okay”—and left them alone together.

Adam could not fathom why Declan would have asked for him. Being face-to-face to him again was terrifying. Declan gave him a bright smile when he walked in, the kind of smile that would’ve melted Adam completely in the days when Declan was just Metro Man and Adam wasn’t falling for someone else.

“You look like you feel so much better,” said Adam. It was true. The color had returned to his face, and his wounds were healing.

“I do,” said Declan. He reached out and took Adam’s hand, and there was something alarming in his eyes. Something like tenderness.

The realization hit him—_Declan believes this. He thinks we’re engaged._ He also realized that he’d started to buy into Ronan’s characterization of Declan, a person who wouldn’t care about Adam’s hurt feelings if his fiancé had _actually_ forgotten they’d ever met. This appeared not to be the case.

“I’m really glad to see you again,” said Declan. Adam nodded and forced a smile. “We didn’t really get to talk before.”

“I didn’t want to overwhelm you,” said Adam.

“I appreciate that.” Declan kept smiling at him. “I’ve been thinking so much about everything. My life—what I remember—what I don’t like about it. I think I’ve been focused on totally the wrong things.” Then he seemed to change tracks. “My family has such nice things to say about you.”

Adam’s stupid heart seized up, because maybe _my family_ meant Ronan.

“Based on what they say, you seem like exactly the type of person who could help me build the kind of life that I want to have instead of the one I have had. I feel like I’ve been given a second chance, and I want to make something of it.” Declan laughed a little. “You probably remember that I was never this earnest before.”

Adam actually couldn’t believe his ears.

“I guess I’m trying to say that I feel lucky to have met you, even if I don’t remember right now,” Declan continued. “But if I’m going to marry you, I do want to remember making that decision. I know this isn’t a very romantic place for it, but—”

Adam was going to throw up. He knew he was. He could feel his stomach bottoming out. 

“Adam Parrish, will you marry me?”

Adam heard Kelly—clearly eavesdropping at the door—gasp.

He took two seconds to review everything that had happened in the past nine days, and said, “Yes, of course I will.” And forced a smile again.

“Ha, okay, good.” Declan squeezed his hand. “There’s no way I should have been that nervous to propose to somebody I was already engaged to.”

Adam tried to laugh.

“Do you already have a ring?” Declan asked.

“Uh, no, we hadn’t picked it out yet,” Adam lied.

“I’ll get right on that. I’ll call someone.” Declan reached out and pulled him closer. It took Adam a moment to realize that this was a hug. “Let’s do it soon,” Declan whispered. “No point in waiting.”

“Okay,” said Adam.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding!!

Ronan Lynch had always thought that he was the type of person who would only fall in love once. There’d only be one person for him, and it would be for life.

He was now trying to convince himself that Adam Parrish wasn’t that person.

Declan had re-proposed, and Adam had re-accepted, and now Declan had decided he wanted to get married as soon as he was released from the hospital. It was part of his whole clean-start frenzy. He was on his phone as much as his nurses would allow, ordering rings and flowers, booking a restaurant for the reception, booking the church and the priest. Adam wasn’t Catholic, but apparently money had changed hands to allow this to happen, which disgusted Ronan to no end. Apparently Declan’s clean-start still allowed for bribery.

Aurora was busy sending out invitations. She was a little concerned at the rush (“he can’t be thinking clearly after that head injury”), but she adored Adam, so she didn’t say anything about it. She had called Adam to see who he wanted to invite, and he only listed a few coworkers, which also concerned her. 

“What about his family?” she asked Ronan.

“He told me he didn’t have any,” said Ronan.

“Oh, the poor thing!”

Ronan didn’t see Adam for about six days, and he used the first four days partially to help his mother and partially to go on a drinking binge (that only lasted for a few hours because he didn’t really do that anymore).

On the fifth day, he painted. This was something he’d started doing as a teenager to calm himself down.

On the sixth day, he drove to Adam’s place because he was tired of not seeing him. He went in the side door that Adam always used, up the stairs to 506, and stood staring at the door for a moment before he felt brave enough to knock.

He was greeted with an “I swear to god, I _cannot_ go to the game with you this weekend; I’m getting—”

The door swung open and Adam stopped mid-sentence. “Oh, hi,” he said breathlessly, blue eyes wide. He could’ve knocked Ronan right over; god, he was _so_ beautiful. “I thought you were Tad.”

“I get that a lot,” said Ronan. Adam laughed, and Ronan wanted that sound on replay forever.

Adam let him in and took note of the flat, brown-paper-wrapped package Ronan was holding. “Did you bring me something?”

“Another wedding present,” said Ronan. “This one’s from me.”

Adam smiled. “You didn’t have to.”

Ronan shrugged. Adam sat down on the floor with the package, which was kind of charming, so Ronan did too. He watched Adam unwrap the package and tried not to notice the neatly-pressed suit hanging in the doorway to Adam’s bedroom. Adam’s cat came over to inspect him, and Ronan apparently passed muster and was allowed to pet the cat.

Adam gasped. “Florence!”

“I made it really fast,” said Ronan. “I hope it’s not terrible.”

“You _made_ this?”

It was a painting, 9 by 12 inches, of the red roofs of Florence, with the Duomo in the middle and the mountains in the background. He’d painted it from a postcard. It had felt very healing the day before.

“Yeah, I don’t know if Declan will actually let you hang it in his house since it’s mine…”

“I’ll make him,” said Adam. He sat and stared at the painting for a minute, seeming to take in every detail. Then he set it gently up against the wall and turned to look at Ronan instead. Their eyes locked for what felt like hours—it was actually seconds—and it was the kind of moment when they would have kissed, _if…_

Adam dropped his gaze to his lap. “Now that you actually know me,” he said, “is there any reason you think I shouldn’t marry Declan?”

Was he looking for a reason? Ronan could definitely think of several reasons. Number one: _you should marry me instead._

Ronan couldn’t ruin Declan’s life. He refused to say it.

Their eyes met again, and it was Ronan who turned away this time. “No, there isn’t.”

* * *

Five days after Declan Lynch proposed to him, Adam was hand-delivering wedding invitations to his coworkers. He really had no idea how this had gone so far off the rails. All he knew was that he was supposed to be getting married that weekend, January 12th, at St. Agnes, the little Catholic church in the Lynches’ hometown.

He didn’t want another lecture from Kelly, so he was prepared to make a quick escape when he handed one to her. She managed to stop him. “Wait a minute, this is a wedding invitation.”

“I know,” he said, looking longingly at the breakroom door.

“This is your wedding invitation.”

“I know.”

She frowned. “Who are you marrying?”

He pointed to the fancy script. “Declan Lynch. You heard his proposal. Why is this surprising to you?”

“I didn’t think you’d actually go through with it. Why _are_ you? You don’t even know him.”

He sighed. “Kelly, all I ever do is work. I don’t socialize. I don’t have a family. I go home to a cat. And now a rich, handsome man wants to marry me, and I’m crazy to say yes? It also gets me really neatly out of the mess I was in.”

“That’s a drastic way to get out of your mess,” she said, sounding more sympathetic than judgmental.

“I know.” He finally sat down at the table with her. “But this is a chance for a better life. And I would never have married him if he hadn’t actually asked, but he seems happy about it.”

“What about your crush on the brother?”

That was still searingly painful, given he’d rejected Adam only the night before. “He doesn’t want me,” he said.

Kelly just nodded and said, “I’ll be there.”

* * *

Ronan didn’t understand why there needed to be a rehearsal dinner when there was no rehearsal. They had nothing to rehearse. The ceremony was going to be simple and traditional. There was no wedding party—thank god Ronan didn’t have to stand up next to them while this happened, not that watching from the pews would be much better.

The dinner was at some Michelin-starred restaurant where Declan was on a first-name basis with the maître d’. The wine alone cost something like $200. Ronan watched Adam examine the menu and order the cheapest thing on it, a $20 salad. Besides the Lynches, a bunch of Declan’s lawyer friends were there, and his ex, Ashley, had come as someone’s date but was shooting daggers at Adam anyway. Ronan had only been allowed to bring Gansey for moral support, presumably because Gansey was his most presentable friend.

Declan held Adam’s hand almost the whole time and kissed it frequently and loudly announced things that Ronan already knew, like, “Adam is considering a surgical specialization” and “Adam went to Harvard. Isn’t that impressive?” All of this made Adam blush uncomfortably. Ronan was sort of proud that he noticed that when no one else seemed to, but noticing didn’t do anyone any good. Ronan was not participating in the conversation. 

Meanwhile Gansey was studying all three of them like he’d figured something out, and it made Ronan paranoid, because usually Gansey was a little dense, but he also knew Ronan alarmingly well.

Someone asked about honeymoon plans, and Adam said firmly, “Declan is in no shape to travel right now. We think we’ll do it this summer.”

“We’re thinking about the Virgin Islands,” said Declan.

“Adam wants Italy,” Ronan blurted, which only earned him a frown from Adam.

“I’m absolutely fine with anything,” said Adam.

Ronan walked out of the restaurant behind the two of them, and they were still holding hands, and Ronan thought about what it would be like to hold one of those perfect hands, and he also wondered how drunk he could get tonight without being hungover in the morning.

* * *

Adam was almost late for his own wedding.

He overslept—he hadn’t been able to sleep at all until the wee hours. Then traffic coming out of DC was unpredictably heavy for a Saturday morning, and once he was off the interstate, he got a little lost.

Blue Sargent was waiting outside the church, looking nervous until she saw him. “Oh, thank god you’re here. They were beginning to worry. It’s supposed to be starting in about two minutes.” She took him inside, where thankfully no one else was around, and handed him a bouquet, which he hadn’t really expected. He hadn’t thought about walking in alone, down the aisle, with everyone staring at him.

“Do I look okay?” he asked.

She smiled at him. “You look great.”

He suspected she was lying. He was enormously sweaty from nerves and hadn’t really done anything with his hair that morning. He ran a hand through it quickly.

Blue checked her watch. “It’s almost time,” she said, and in fact, he could already hear music coming from the church sanctuary. “Give me thirty seconds, and then you come in,” she said and disappeared through the door.

He counted to thirty. He walked through the door.

Declan was at the front in a wheelchair. They’d decided he shouldn’t stand for too long at a time. Behind him was a priest.

Adam immediately thought, _I can’t do this._

He walked, shakily. He saw people from work smiling at him. He saw Aurora already starting to cry. He saw a cluster of Ronan’s friends, including Noah, who shot him a guilty look.

He saw Ronan.

_I can’t do this. I can’t. I can’t._

He stopped at the front, across from Declan, who looked serious but calm. There was no encouraging smile. It wasn’t quite how Adam had hoped a future spouse would look at him.

The priest said, “Dearly beloved,” and Adam said, “I object.”

There was silence in the church until the priest, flustered, said, “I haven’t gotten there yet.”

“I need to do it now, though,” said Adam. If he waited, he wouldn’t do it.

“What’s going on?” said Declan.

Adam looked at him and felt like throwing up. “I can’t marry you.”

Declan looked distinctly pissed.

“There’s been a little bit of a—misunderstanding,” Adam said faintly. That was really an inadequate word.

From the front row, Aurora, still so sweet, said, “Honey, what’s wrong?”

He turned to her. She was a lot less scary than Declan. “I think I’m falling in love with your son.” 

She nodded, looking puzzled, like Adam should’ve been a little past _I think_ by now.

“Except, not Declan,” he said. “And not Matthew.”

Just like that, Declan was up out of his wheelchair and lunging towards Ronan in the front row. Adam managed to hold him back, and Gansey came out of nowhere to help. “It’s not his fault,” said Adam desperately. “It’s all me.”

Declan stopped and straightened his suit. “You want to explain, then?” He was beyond pissed now.

Adam allowed himself one glance at Ronan, who looked wide-eyed and confused. Turning back to Declan, he said slowly, “So, the misunderstanding. The day of your accident, I did witness it, and I did stop to give you first aid, and then when you were brought into the hospital, one of my coworkers got confused and thought that you were my fiancé, but, um, it’s not true. You and I were never engaged, before. We didn’t even know each other really. I used to see you on the Metro. I had sort of a crush on you, but that was it.” 

He waited for Declan—or anyone else—to speak, and when they didn’t, he pressed on.

“After that, everything just happened so fast. I was meeting your family, and they thought we were engaged, and they seemed so happy about it, and I didn’t know how to tell them the truth. And then later, I didn’t want to, because they were all so wonderful. I’d been so alone, and then suddenly I was part of a family in a way I never really had been before. I mean, seriously, I’ve, um—” God, he was tearing up, how embarrassing— “I’ve never had that. The dinners and the holidays and the laughter and the warmth. I didn’t want to let go. But I should have, and I’m so, so sorry.”

Declan looked annoyed rather than moved by this confession. “What does all that have to do with Ronan?”

“I just, um—” Adam furiously brushed away a few tears— “I spent some time with him, and I just, just—” What could he say? What was even willing to say in front of all these people? “My feelings shifted.”

Again, silence. Adam was about to completely lose it. It was time to make his exit. He handed Declan his bouquet. He let himself look at Ronan—now ashen and stone-faced—and say, “I’m so sorry.” Then he turned to Matthew and Aurora. “Thank you for being so welcoming. I’ll always love you for that. I wish you all the best.”

Then he ran out of the church.

* * *

It didn’t help Adam’s case that Dr. Miller had been at the wedding.

He’d taken Sunday off from work because he’d thought he was going to be a newlywed. Instead, he slept through Sunday completely because being awake was too painful.

On Monday morning, Dr. Miller had found him and told him, somewhat apologetically, that he was going to have a disciplinary hearing that afternoon.

It turned out to be a fairly informal discussion in Dr. Miller’s office. Dr. Hopson and a few other people were there, including Kelly, who had apparently confessed to her part in the misunderstanding.

“We’re not really sure what to do here, Adam,” said Dr. Miller. “This is obviously an unprecedented situation.” She explained that she had consulted with the other doctors, and they’d looked at the case from several different angles to decide how to proceed. “A lot of it comes down to the fact that you weren’t actually one of Mr. Lynch’s physicians. That mitigates a lot of the possible wrongdoing.” She said they’d also taken Adam’s hard work and previously spotless record into account. In the end, they’d decided to suspend him for a couple of days and increase supervision of his interactions with patients for the next few weeks.

He knew that it could be a lot worse, and he was grateful that it wasn’t, but the suspension hit hard. It would be on some record of his, somewhere, forever. It would interrupt his treatment of current patients.

And it would give him far too much time to wallow in his misery.

* * *

The next day, he mailed his engagement ring back to Declan and figured that would be the end of his association with the Lynches. It was hard, though, because he missed them, and he knew exactly how to find them. He knew he could just pick up and drive to the farm, and they’d be there… But they wouldn’t want to see him.

The day after that, he was curled up in a blanket-heap on his floor with Whiskers, and someone knocked on the door. Adam jumped up, irrationally hopeful, because the last time someone had knocked on his door, it had been Ronan.

It was Tad. Adam let him come in anyway, because even Tad was better than no company at all. Tad talked about this and that before finally saying what he’d obviously come to say. “Did you break up with that bald guy?”

Adam rolled his eyes. “He’s not bald. It’s a buzzcut.”

“You know what I mean,” said Tad.

Adam didn’t want to admit that they’d never been dating at all, so he just said yes. “That doesn’t change things with us, though, Tad.”

“I wasn’t coming down here to make a move,” said Tad. “Just… I hadn’t seen him around in a while, and yesterday you looked really sad when I saw you, so I just thought I’d check if you’re, you know, doing okay.”

Adam wanted to cry. First, because who would have expected Tad to check up on him? Second, because Tad was the only person he had to check up on him.

“I’ll be okay eventually,” he told Tad.

* * *

First, Ronan had to decide if he really did hate liars that much.

And yes, he did, but it seemed to matter a lot less when he thought about Adam, on the verge of tears, saying that he’d never had a family before.

Second, he had to figure out if Declan would hate him forever if he got with Declan’s fake fiancé. He guessed that technically Adam had been Declan’s real fiancé for about nine days, but Ronan preferred not to think about that. He also only cared about Declan’s opinion to a point. And that point was not necessarily the point at which Ronan would decide to give Adam up.

For the first few days, Declan wasn’t speaking to him at all. He only started again when an incredibly frustrated Aurora pointed out that Ronan had no control over Adam’s feelings for him. So Declan looked at Ronan and asked, “How do _you feel about _him?”__

Ronan resisted the urge to say _it’s none of your business,_ because it actually kind of was Declan’s business. “I’m falling in love with him, too.”

Declan sighed, sat back in his chair, and tapped his fingers on the table. “What are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know yet,” said Ronan. “Are you going to kill me if I get with him?”

Declan lifted his chin. “I think Adam can do better than you.”

“Of course you do.”

“I’m not thrilled with the idea of you two together.”

“I’m sure.”

“But I’m not going to stop you, if that’s what you want.”

He imagined that this was extremely difficult for Declan to say. He could see that in the crinkle of Declan’s brow and the thin, straight line of his lips.

“Are you going to disown me if I get with him?” Ronan asked.

“If I could disown you, I would have done it already,” said Declan. But he sounded suspiciously insincere.

That was as far as they got with that conversation, but Ronan was pretty sure he’d been given permission.

* * *

Third, he had to paint, because he was freaking out again.

Fourth, he had to think of what to say to Adam. Ronan was really a man of action rather than words, but he suspected that in this case, some words would be necessary.

It took him more than a week to sort through all this, and even then, he didn’t know what he was going to say to Adam until he actually saw him.

He went to Adam’s apartment first and knocked long enough that he was pretty sure no one was home.

So he tried the hospital instead. He went up to the pediatrics floor—he’d never been there before—and when he asked for Adam Parrish, the woman at the reception desk looked at Ronan like she knew exactly who he was. “You’ll have to stay in the waiting area,” she said, “but I’ll tell him you’re here.”

He saw Adam before Adam saw him—down a hallway, crouching in front of a crying child, seemingly trying to comfort her. Ronan felt like his heart was going to abandon him to go throw itself at Adam. Adam then showed the girl some kind of chart, probably explaining a treatment or something, and that seemed to calm her more than anything else. Ronan imagined that Adam was probably really good at explaining things. Adam and the girl disappeared into a room, and Ronan wondered how he could’ve doubted, even for a moment, that Adam was a good person.

Adam came into the waiting room a few minutes later and fixed Ronan with the most neutral possible expression.

“Hi,” said Ronan.

“Hello.”

He wasn’t sure if he should stand, so he stayed seated, and Adam hovered awkwardly above him. “Can I help you with something?” Adam asked.

“Actually, yeah,” said Ronan. “I need a doctor.”

Adam raised an eyebrow, and his mouth twitched like he was considering being amused, but he also wasn’t sure if Ronan was joking or not. “You’re not a child, so I’m afraid you’re on the wrong floor.”

Ronan shook his head. “No, see, I need one particular doctor.” He was aware of this being the cheesiest thing he had ever said. “I need to give him something.”

“Oh?”

Ronan pulled it out of his jacket pocket—another paper-wrapped package, much smaller than the first one.

Adam took it and unwrapped it slowly. He looked at the object and then back at Ronan. He looked really unimpressed. “It’s… a painting of a ring?”

“Yeah, I figured I shouldn’t buy a real one just yet,” said Ronan. “Because I wasn’t sure you’d want to get engaged to another Lynch quite so soon.”

Adam looked at the painting again. He wasn’t smiling. He said, “You’re right, I don’t want that.”

Ronan prepared for his heart to shatter on the floor at Adam’s feet.

But then Adam said, “I’d love to date a Lynch, though. One specific Lynch.”

Ronan finally stood up and said, “Me, right?”

Adam rolled his eyes and finally smiled. “Yes, you.” 

Then they were hugging, and Ronan finally knew what it was like to touch Adam Parrish, to wrap his arms around that narrow waist and feel Adam’s wrap around his neck. Adam was laughing.

“I kind of love you,” Ronan mumbled.

“Yeah. Same,” said Adam.

“I haven’t even known you for a month. Is that nuts?”

“This whole thing is nuts,” said Adam. “I’m very happy about it, though.”

* * *

They did wait a while to get engaged. Like, six months.

Later, Declan, still confused, asked Adam what made him fall for Ronan. He said, “He makes the world feel bigger.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't seen While You Were Sleeping, I recommend it. It's sweet and funnier than this fic.
> 
> Thanks so much for all your feedback!

**Author's Note:**

> The title is based on a quote from the movie.  
I’m aware that my version of these characters is MUCH softer than the originals haha. Also I know nothing about medicine, sorry!  
I’m magicienetreveur on Tumblr if you want to chat!


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